Are we able to share together?
Do I want to become happy or make the other happy?
Matthew chapter 22 :
37. Jesus said to him, "'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.'
38. "This is the first and great commandment.
39. "And the second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'"
Jesus Christ is very clear in what He says here concerning LOVE. My primary love ought to be for God. But also, it is not possible for me to love someone else in a healthy way unless I love myself in a healthy way. If I don't appreciate me, I will not have the ability to appreciate anyone else.
If I don't love myself in a healthy manner, I will always want someone - or something - else to make me happy. That makes me a taker.If I do love myself in a healthy manner, my love of life will spill over and make others happy. That makes me a giver.
Are you a taker or a giver?
Am I in this relationship so that someone can make me happy, - that is, am I a taker?
Or am I in this relationship so that each of us can make the other one happy - that is, are we both givers?
If we both share the giving of happiness to each other, we have an excellent start to the relationship.
If one is a giver and the other a taker, someone will be short-changed.
If we are both takers, that is downright unhealthy.
What will happen if there has to be a separation? Will my life totally fall apart without the other? Is he/she necessary to my survival as a person? To be so dependant on another person is unhealthy as an adult.
In math, .5 + .5 = 1. In other words, two halves make a whole.
But in marriage 1 + 1 + God = 1. That is, one whole person marrying one whole person equals one whole marriage.
If one or both of the parties in the marriage is a lot less than whole there will be much strain there.
God says this about marriage in
Genesis 2 :
24. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Becoming joined to another person is difficult if you yourself are much less than whole. On the other hand, if you are a giver, - that is, you have a healthy love for yourself - it is much easier for you to become joined in the way that God intends, to your marriage partner.
Father in heaven, thank You for loving me.
It is my desire to love You with all my heart, with all my soul, and with all my mind.
I also want very much to have a healthy love for myself, so that I can love my neighbour as myself.
Then I will be ready to love the person I am to marry.
Thank You that I can trust You to lead me to the right person to marry,
in Jesus' name, Amen.
4 This is the story of the creation of the sky and the earth. When the LORD God first made the earth and the sky,
5 there were still no plants on the earth. Nothing was growing in the fields because the LORD God had not yet made it rain on the land. And there was no person to care for the ground . . .
7 Then the LORD God took dust from the ground and formed a man from it. He breathed the breath of life into the man's nose, and the man became a living person.
8 Then the LORD God planted a garden in the east, in a place called Eden, and put the man he had formed into it.
9 The LORD God caused every beautiful tree and every tree that was good for food to grow out of the ground . . .
10 A river flowed through Eden and watered the garden . . .
18 Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is right for him." . . .
21 So the LORD God caused the man to sleep very deeply, and while he was asleep, God removed one of the man's ribs.
Then God closed up the man's skin at the place where he took the rib.
22 The LORD God used the rib from the man to make a woman, and then he brought the woman to the man.
23 And the man said, "Now, this is someone whose bones came from my bones, whose body came from my body.
I will call her 'woman,' because she was taken out of man."
24 So a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one body.
25 The man and his wife were naked, but they were not ashamed.
(New Century Bible)